I am a mess. Are you? In the depths of trying to conceive I was a complete mess, a raw, ugly mess. I am so sorry that you are in this place of distress. It stinks. It really, really stinks. I know it does. I recall the pain all too well; its still quite fresh which is why I am here writing. I hope that each devotion and post slowly heals me but I know I will never be who I was before I was trying to get pregnant. I have learned so much about myself, my husband, my marriage, my walk with the Lord and in dealing with daily life. I still hold my breath when I drive past my fertility clinic. I usually say a prayer for those women and couples who are having to utilize its services. “Dear Lord please have mercy on those women who so desperately want a child. Comfort them through these days. Amen.” The words: : Life isn’t fair. doesn’t even begin to express the difficulties of conception. I can apply those words so many other situations in my life but truly they sank into my inner most depths when I was trying to conceive. I do not know why you are aren’t pregnant. I am still an undiagnosed statistic, but I can tell you I couldn’t get pregnant naturally and I was an ugly mess.
When I read scripture I often like to make it more personal so that it resonates within me. Reread today’s scripture in the first person: For [I] am God’s masterpiece! He has created [me] anew in Christ Jesus, so [I] can do the good things he planned for [me] long ago. WOW. Much more powerful. I don’t skim over a single word when I read it like that. Each syllable explodes inside me. Reread it slowly, emphasizing on the personal pronouns of I and me. Seriously, do you feel it? Does it make you breathe deeper and inhale each word? YOU are a masterpiece! You ARE a masterpiece! You are HIS masterpiece! It doesn’t get any better than being God’s own masterpiece. Even in your mess, your ugly, beautiful, crazy mess he is calling you his masterpiece. Wallow in today, in this moment and allow yourself this time to be whatever you need to be: an unorganized, clutter filled person with baggage who cries when a leaf hits the ground or when a clown makes you laugh; its your life, your celebration, your mess but its all his masterpiece and all part of his plan.
Dear Lord, thank you for creating me as your masterpiece. Although I may find days difficult to handle I trust that you are cradling me in your love and grace. Please continue to guide me in my journey and peel back the layers as I learn to embrace the plan you have had for me so long ago. Amen.