The Race

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”   –Jeremiah 29:11


I feel behind in this race.  I have always felt behind.  Rarely do I come in first place with that shiny blue ribbon in my grasp.  Maybe the few times that I did I was uncomfortable with the status and attention.  Wanting to come in first place puts a lot expectation out there.  Really second or third has been good enough for me but I have never wanted to be last.  As a woman desiring to get pregnant and have a family I often feel like I have come in dead last.

Are you feeling that everyone is pregnant but you?  Your best friend got pregnant on her honeymoon “as planned”, the young cashier at the grocer is excited about her unplanned pregnancy; you turn to walk down the women’s hygiene aisle and there she is again: another pregnant woman.  I have bolted out of Target plenty of times as I fought back tears because I wanted to be that pregnant woman.  Truthfully I didn’t know her story.  Maybe she had struggled as I was to get that swollen belly.  At the sight of her I couldn’t imagine anyone struggling anymore than I had but once I sat in my car engulfed in tears I had to imagine that I wasn’t the only one who fought for a child.  Regardless she was ahead of me in this race to have a baby & grow her family.  I felt constantly reminded that I was losing.

The Lord doesn’t see us as first, second or third.  He sees you through his grace, handing you mercy and loving you through it all.  Its not a race.  The Lord has a wonderfully made plan for you that is happening now.  He loves you like no one else can and will no matter where you land.  During this time of want, desire and uncertainty take a moment to breathe him in.  Listen to his message for you.  Do you need this time to grow closer to him?  In the business of your day are you setting time aside for him or is he coming in last in your daily activities?  I have learned through my journey of hills and valleys that if I put him first in my sharpest focus that my life will begin to refocus; he will easily carry me over each hurdle with little effort.  Share your burdens and desires with him each day so that he knows you and you get to know him.  When I put the Lord in last place, my entire life is left unfocused.  When he is in first place often the reason for my struggles are clear whether I need more time to digest my current situation or I am shown that my struggle really isn’t a struggle at all.  If I put him first he often open my eyes and doors and windows to a new approach.  If I had just always put him first…..

Wake up 10 minutes earlier to read one verse from his word.  Breathe it in and pray over each word allowing it to resonate through your mind, your body and your spirit.

Dear Lord, Please remind me in these times of desperation that it is not a competition; it is about you and me and my family. I know that I will be a parent soon whether  through a conventional situation or through other means that you have planned. I am waiting with an open and accepting heart. Amen.

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” –Jeremiah 29:12-13

I am.

Birds in V flight

I am who I am.    –Exodus 3:14

I have to breathe in this verse as I accept my imperfect self.  I am who I am.  The Lord is who he is; he is perfect; he reigns for eternity and he is willing to accept my imperfect soul into his kingdom.

He has nudged me for years now about writing words of encouragement for women, couples and families who are trying to conceive.  I keep telling him as Moses did “I am not the man for the job”, but he keeps reminding me that he knows what he is doing and to please listen to him so we can all get on with it!  So here I am writing words from my experiences, lessons learned through his grace, guidance and love and how I continue to embrace each day.

Let me tell you a little bit about who I am and who I am not.  I am not a writer which is why I am so reluctant to pen anything.  I am a private person who has never kept a journal for fear that it may be read.  I am a visual person who loves to draw, paint and actually have a Fine Arts degree in design.  I am constantly amazed at technology & fell in love with graphic design after college.  I am a daughter, a sister, a wife, an aunt, a god-mother and a mom.  Yes, I am a mother to 4 children.  I am a survivor and a lover of Jesus Christ.

I am here to tell you that he has a plan for you and me.  I feel a bit like Moses at the burning bush when God told him to go and lead his people out of Egypt.  I feel quite inept and unqualified.  I wonder if anyone will follow this blog just as Moses wondered if his own people would follow him, but if you are here that’s one more than none.  I am welcoming you into my life filled with love, anger, blessings, uncertainty, disappointment, happiness and eternal possibilities!

Heavenly Father, thank you for leading my heart and guiding my words as I maneuver through uncharted territories.  Please continue to encourage me when I feel alone and unworthy of blessings.  Allow me to open my heart and accept the plans that you have laid before me.  In Jesus’ name -Amen.